Right Now

There are a lot of things that I want to do. I have list upon list of things I want to achieve, places I want to go, things I want to see, all kinds of things that I want to do. It's extensive, broken down into sections, labelled by the age by which I want to have done the certain thing. I realise how excessive this sounds but I like to have a plan. I need to know the direction that I am going in and I need to have found the path I need to travel to get there. Growing up has always frightened me and, as I get older, it doesn't seem to be getting any easier. My childhood officially ended last year when I turned 18. And now I'm being forced to look forward and figure out where I want to be.

I've worked hard to get to where I am. I was worried about the person I became as I worked towards my dreams. Achieving the grades I did, gaining the place at university that I did...so far these are my greatest accomplishments. And I worried about losing myself on the way, that I would become so bogged down in work that I would never have time for anything else. When you get older, fun isn't the same as when you're a kid. Acting childish in anyway gets you all kinds of looks and comments that just aren't necessary. But I've finally come to realise that that's not the case. No matter how old you get, your inner child is always there, just fighting to get out and prance about and have a giggle. Last night, 4 friends and I went mattress sliding down the stairs. It was, in a word, ridiculous. Childish, potentially dangerous and not to mention loud, but it was the most fun I'd had in a long time. I was crying with laughter, my stomach ached and I banged my head several times but I didn't run out of energy and the wish to keep playing didn't leave me. So we kept playing, until past 1 in the morning. Getting the balance right has taken some time, but it's getting there and right now, I feel like I have the best of both worlds. I'm in an amazing environment to grow up and find out about the person that I am going to be, but I'm also able to do silly things sometimes, and just laugh and remember that life's not over yet, and to make the most of it before it gets really serious and these chances don't come around as often.