What If?

The age old question that everyone asks when things go wrong and when things go right. Lets be honest, we're more likely to ask this when something goes wrong. As a person, it's almost as if we are programmed to go back over everything in our minds, consider alternatives and other situations that could have occured. We analyse everything, from the words to the actions to how you could have made things happen differently. It's a waste of time and energy, and there is nothing we can do now that time has passed, but we do it anyway. And so as I sit here curled up in my bed, listening to people run up and down the corridor and banging doors. Sex and the City on in the background, craving a cup of tea, I am going through my own what ifs, trying to figure things out.

What if I was smarter? What if I was prettier? What if I was skinnier? What if I was nicer? What if I hadn't said no? What if it had been a different day? What if I hadn't gone? What if I wasn't here? What if it hadn't been this long? What if I hadn't told the truth? What if I'd been honest before now? What if, what if, what if...?